He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
