so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
