i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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