direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
