Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
