Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
