Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
