So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
