I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
