I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
