I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I stole a fireplace last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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