i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
