mondays should just be called national damage control day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
