You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
