I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
