If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
