he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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