Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
