Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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