I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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