so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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