remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
