One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
