my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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