anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize