Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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