I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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