every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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