atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
