There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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