I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
