What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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