Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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