I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
