you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Sober January is a disaster.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
