Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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