My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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