She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
