I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
