We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
