Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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