Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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