Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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