Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
