dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
