I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
