you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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