i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
