And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
