I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
