alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
