To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
