um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
