life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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